Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
