Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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