Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
