she woke up with a sticky ear
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
