Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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