He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
