Kiss
Puke
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
