oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
