random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
