Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
