census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
