Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
