bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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