Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
