dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
