The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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