i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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