she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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