ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
