if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
