Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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