I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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