I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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