Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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