I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
