: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
