so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
