Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
