someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
