need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
