I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
