i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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