He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
