They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
