i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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