Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
