Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
