i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
