just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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