I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
