Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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