I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
