He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
