Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
