So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
