Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
