I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
