I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
