You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Someone shattered a urinal.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize