I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
