did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
