I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
