New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
