We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
