do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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