My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
