he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
of course. lets lasso hookers.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
