Well douche your snatch and let's go!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
