just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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