Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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