Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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