and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
