its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
