Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We are two peas in an std pod
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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