I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
