It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We left an ass print on the piano.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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