There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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