Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
