I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
