oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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