You can't special order awesome
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
