Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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