YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize