i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
