She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize