He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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