He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
