im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
