she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
All I want is dick and wine.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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