Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
