After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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