We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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