Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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