she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
