I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
