Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
