So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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