they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
