you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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