so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
