I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
