My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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