i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
