Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize