i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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