Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
