The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
