so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize