The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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