Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
