I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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