just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize