um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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